"Find hungry samurai" -Gisaku



In HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE, Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.

Now that we have the plot out of the way, let me say that I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, even though I didn’t relate to it all that well, for the following reasons: I am not Asian, I do not smoke pot, and I cannot stand White Castle hamburgers (perhaps the pot would help with that). Now, let’s get to the really important part, the questions that arose for me while watching this film. They are:

1 Can Cheetahs actually get high? And if so, why does this never come up on NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC EXPLORER?

2 At one point, Kumar says, “Just because you’re hung like a moose doesn’t mean you have to do porn.” First of all, how is a moose hung? Secondly, if one is hung like one, shouldn’t there be a debt to humanity to at least do some porn? Your thoughts.

3 Are all Asian men as cool as Kumar? And if so, may I bear their children? Kal Penn plays Kumar, and I’ve been waiting for him to break out since his hilarious part in VAN WILDER. Seriously: If this guy were white, he’d have a Top 10 sitcom already. John Cho is Harold, who plays the straight man, and he does well too. (You might remember him as the MILF guy in AMERICAN PIE.) Both of these guys should get more work.

4 What would rank as the greatest “movie montage” of all time? I believe I am on record that all movies should have to have a montage. Off the top of my head, KARATE KID’s training montage (and the All-Valley Tournament “You’re the best around”) come to mind, but I’m willing to discuss.

5 Does pot really make you that hungry?

6 H&K has a Wilson Phillips song in it. At first, the two make fun of it, but then find themselves singing along (and you know you would too). My question: should not all movies include cheesy ‘80s songs? If not the great Wilson Phillips, I at least expect a Foreigner. (Or Winger!)

7 Neil Patrick Harris plays himself (at least, a horny-trippin’-on-X-car-stealing version of himself, though this may not be a stretch) in the film. This brings up a good question: apart from obvious Fantasy like BUFFY or ALF, what is the most unrealistic set up for a show ever? It’s tough to think of one more far-fetched than DOOGIE HOUSER, but again, I’m willing to discuss.

8 Who is the greatest “That Guy” you can see in a movie? I get the phrase “That Guy” from Bill Simmons, who defines it as “familiar character actors you see in movies over and over again, but never know their names.” Frankly, I think there should be an Oscar category for this, or at least a Lifetime Achievement Award. Better yet: That Guy Hall of Fame! Anyway, HAROLD AND KUMAR has a ton of them, including That Guy from ROMEO MUST DIE, you know the really funny fat guy who keeps saying “Dim Sum!” Or That Guy from AMERICAN PIE, the one who sleeps with Stiffler’s mom. Then there’s That Guy from 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU. I think he’s in that CBS drama NUM8ERS now. There’s even a That Girl, Rory’s cool friend the Korean Chick in GILMORE GIRLS. There are about 12 others. So, the question is: who’s the best? Right now I put my money on James Rebhorn. I wouldn’t expect you to know his name (the very definition of That Guy), but look at his IMDB page, (http://imdb.com/name/nm0714310/) and I think you’ll see he always brings something to the table. For me his most memorable role was in THE GAME, where he played the guy who gives Michael Douglas’s character all the tests.

9 I thought of more fantastic montages: TOP GUN, THE BREAKFAST CLUB, and FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF. It’s hard to argue against any of these. Perhaps the ‘80s is the quintessential era for montages.

10 I also thought of some more far-fetched TV shows. Remember THE COSBY SHOW? Did you find it strange that the dad—who was a doctor with a lucrative enough practice to afford that house—virtually never worked? What about FRIENDS? First off, not even Montana is as White as the set of FRIENDS. Also, how do they afford that apartment, especially early on when Monica and Rachel don’t have any money? (Speaking of which, Harold and Kumar have an apartment that is at least the size of New Jersey. But I digress.) Finally, we can’t get away without mentioning THE BRADY BUNCH. Forget the obvious sexual tension between Greg and Marcia; explain to me (I really want to know) how an Architect could allow six kids to live in two bedrooms, and share one bathroom (without an actual toilet)! What’s up with that?

11 Ryan Reynolds shows up in the movie, and even though this part didn’t wow me, I’m still a GIANT Ryan Reynolds fan. I think he is so underrated. So, the question I have is: who is more fun to have around in a movie, Ryan Reynolds, or Stiffler? Your thoughts…

12 Who is the greatest TV character in Asian history? This is tougher than you’d think. The nominees: Detective Yemana on BARNEY MILLER; Sulu on STAR TREK. I think there were two girls on ER, but I didn’t watch the show enough to have an opinion there. I guess that just leaves my vote: Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.

It occurs to me that many of the questions I came up with would mirror what someone smoking pot while watching the film might come up with too. Add to that the fact that I get hungry a lot, and I think we have a conspiracy on our hands.

Seriously, though, this is a very enjoyable movie. It has some lame parts and some jokes fall flat, but the good stuff more than makes up for it. I’m a little shocked but I have to admit I had one hell of a time.

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