00670 – THE RANCH

MovieHype00670 – THE RANCH

THE RANCH was supposed to be a documentary about a legal brothel in Reno. I confess I’ve never seen the attraction of prostitution, and like all things I don’t understand, I’m sort of compelled by my ignorance. (No, really.) In that vein, I thought THE RANCH might be interesting. Then the movie arrived, and it wasn’t a documentary! Oh well, I thought. It’s a movie about a brothel in Reno. This can’t be all bad.

Wrong.

How can a movie where so many women take their clothes off be this boring? I haven’t seen that many boobs wasted since my last fraternity party. (Snap!) THE RANCH was clearly made by women who hate men. Every hooker cliché you can think of is on display, from the woman doing it just to give her kid a better life to the woman about to get married who worries her fiancé might judge her. (That evil bastard!)

About the only area THE RANCH succeeds is Mystery Science Theatre territory. Even the multiple plot threads are unresolved; EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. The only possible way to recommend this movie would be for a wife to rent for her husband who complains there isn’t enough sexiness in the relationship. THE RANCH will cure him of any itch he might have.

(And now I need to go bathe for just having written about this awful awful movie.)